Thursday, May 31, 2012

Deal of the Day

Look, all I'm saying is that, if there's truly a "man who gave birth to you," he probably deserves something more extravagant than a Groupon deal...

Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Dream of the Day

So, I know that having dreams about your teeth falling out means that you don't feel in control of your life.

I'm going to assume, then, that having a dream where you show up to your high school reunion, try to catch a football (?), miss, and lose a tooth in the process means that you're completely in control of everything?

Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Wish Me Luck

Today I'm making the possibly-worst-but-also-maybe-best decision ever?  I'm starting a 30-day Bar Challenge.  No, not that kind of bar.

This kind. 

Having never done any form of ballet ever, and possessing the flexibility of a hip replacement candidate, I imagine this to be an interesting month.

Wish me luck.  Better yet, meet me at my apartment on June 27 with a bottle of tequila and a handful of limes.

Friday, May 25, 2012

Video of the Day

I have a feeling today is going to look something like this...

But, I'm chalking that up to it being Friday.  I guess Fridays are more prone to feeling like a cat on a treadmill, right?  Right.

Come on, long weekend.  Hurry up and show yourself.

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Deal of the Day

I had NO IDEA that traditional Czech food included french fries, fried shrimp, and mozzarella sticks...

Prague vacay anyone??

Deal of the Day

Monday, May 21, 2012

A Mini Weekend Recap

Here's the thing about medicine cabinets.

Sometimes everything is so jam-packed on the shelves, and bottles can all look a little similar, and liquids that are the same color can be mistaken for other liquids that are probably safer to use for the particular problem you're trying to solve.

Which is how I ended up applying nail polish remover to my eyelashes yesterday afternoon.

How was YOUR weekend?  Do any accidental chemical experiments??

Friday, May 18, 2012

Words with Friends about Rappers

Sometimes you just miss the 90's more than you realize until you accidentally reference Mase...

Words with Friends about Rappers
E: I don't know, sometimes I just feel like I should carry mase everywhere
me: oh yeah?
E: oops, 'mace'
me: I was hoping you were carrying a large, 90's rapper everywhere
E: I carry both

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Submitted without Comment

The top baby names for 2011 were announced this week, and I'm just going to skip over the boring ones (Jacob and Sophia, I'm looking at you) and jump straight to the punchline...

Submitted without Comment: Top Trending Names of 2011

BOYS                                                         GIRLS
1. Brantley                                                  1. Briella
2. Iker                                                         2. Angelique
3. Maximiliano                                             3. Aria
4. Zaiden                                                     4. Mila
5. Kamden                                                  5. Elsie
6. Barrett                                                    6. Nylah
7. Archer                                                    7. Raelynn
8. Declan                                                    8. Brynlee
9. Atticus                                                    9. Olive
10. Nico                                                     10. June

On a related note:

Monday, May 14, 2012

Accidental Words with Friends

Have you ever received a text message meant for someone else, without any context whatsoever, and had yourself a good long laugh about fake nipples?  No?  Here, let me help you...

Accidental Words with Friends*
Ok, you must follow these instructions:
1. Gather everyone into the dining room
2. Get the plate of nipples from the big hutch
3. Don't tell them what they are yet
4. Open the pocket doors to reveal the poster -- very slowly!
5. Then shout "pin the nipple on Joe!"

* It was later revealed to me that these were the directions for a 'pin the nipple on the fiance' game for a bachelorette party, but I prefer to enjoy the instructions as a stand-alone.

Thursday, May 10, 2012

Summer Reading List

Computer-generated 'personal recommendations' might be my most favorite thing.  Like when Netflix uses my recent searches to suggest other movies I might like?  Or that time my DVR ghost-recorded a movie based on my assumed interests?

It was, therefore, with great excitement that I recently received an email from Amazon with the subject line, "Top Summer Reading Picks for Carrie."

And, I'll admit, I was right there with them all the way through "Psychological Thrillers."  But then we got to "Grilling," and things seemed to go off the rails...

My main conclusion is: evidently, I will never, ever be able to remove myself from the list of individuals who bought the entire Twilight series on the internet.

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Mom's Suitcase Rejects

I'm back from North Carolina! (Did you miss me?)  I had a really great weekend, full of reunions with long-lost family members and ill-advised interstate meals -- everything that a good road trip should be.  Oh, and I got to hang out with my parents before they headed back home.

Which brings me to my favorite part of the weekend.

You know, that part where your mom needs to keep her suitcase under 50 pounds, but buys lots of stuff and ends up leaving you with travel-sized bottles of products you don't even use regular-sized bottles of?...

Mom's Suitcase Rejects

- A full package of the new (terrible) Oreo flavor, "Rainbow Sherbet," because she 'just wanted to try one!'

- The diffuser attachment to her new hair dryer, but not the actual hair dryer itself

- A gallon-sized Ziploc with half-eaten bags of airplane pretzels

- Speaking of airplanes -- a thin, red fleece blanket I can only assume was 'borrowed' from the Delta Corporation

- Two hotel-ice-bucket-bags full of travel-sized toiletries, including several un-labeled concoctions with the consistency of sunscreen

- Five bananas in varying stages of decay

image source

Friday, May 4, 2012

View from the Driver's Seat

I'm in North Carolina for a few days, spending time with my family, and learning new pronunciations for words.

While driving down here yesterday, I saw a lot of things that I wanted to capture on film to show you, my literally tens of followers.  The only problem was that, from the driver's seat, it's damn near impossible to take pictures of anything.  So, I've decided to describe them to you instead -- it will be just like radio!

From my last road trip down I-95 -- a religious Burger King sign

View from the Driver's Seat

-- A license plate that read "I Am Shy"

-- A town called "Zebulon"

-- A directional road sign that was probably supposed to read "To Future I-295," but due to some poor line spacing choices, read "To Future" instead.

-- A sign, just down the road from the exit "To Future," that read "End Highway Safety Zone"

-- A car-full of teenagers doing the "Rollin' with the Homies" arm wave out every window

-- A small trailer on the side of the road, roughly the color of Pepto Bismal, with signs that read "Colon Center"

-- A beauty shop called "Curl Up and Dye"

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

A Brother's Birthday

So, it's this guy's birthday today...

So far, the worst thing he's done to me is push my imaginary friend, 'Dohdi,' out of the car door at a stoplight when I was five.  I guess I'm willing to forgive him, as long as he admits that it was wrong, and he'll never do it again.

Happy Birthday Jamie!
Carrie and Dohdi

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

May Day

Please.  Please tell me that you've heard about May Day...


The one where you put a bunch of popcorn and candy into paper cups, punch holes in the sides, string pipe cleaners through them to make handles, drive around to your friends' houses, put the 'baskets' on their door knobs, ring the door bells, and run away?!?

It's like a 'ding dong ditch,' Midwestern-style  -- polite, and includes jelly beans.

Happy May Day!