Wednesday, June 27, 2012

I'm Moving!

I'm moving!  (my blog, that is).  The new place has everything I've ever wanted, except for a washer, dryer, dishwasher, and outdoor space.  But it's home...

Join me at:

Shopping Hungry

Monday, June 25, 2012


Since this is the last week of my 30-day bar challenge, I thought I'd give everyone an update on how it's going...

me: I'm having some pain here and here [pointing]
instructor: ok, we'll just give you the same modifications we give to pregnant women.

Thursday, June 21, 2012

Breaking News

This just in: there's been a reported national shortage in the Toasted Almond Good Humor Bar.

Everyone, stay calm, and seek shelter immediately.  Crouch down in the fetal position, rocking back and forth, sobbing uncontrollably, until this emergency is over.


Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Weather Report

Today is the first day of summer and, apparently, Mother Nature is interpreting that milestone quite literally.  Which, phew, because if I had to deal with another beautiful and breezy 75 degree day, I was going to scream.

So, onward to the upper 90s.  I think this will be the summer of best hair ever?

Fortunately, on Friday it's going to be a chilly 93 degrees.

Monday, June 18, 2012

Deal of the Day

Things I'm not using a 'Living Social' deal for:

1. Corrective Eye Surgery

Friday, June 15, 2012

Video of the Day

I really.  really.  need to stop watching these at work.

Happy Friday everyone!  Cry a little.  But about something happy, ok?

Thursday, June 14, 2012

Guilt by Association

I get so flattered when people associate me with certain reality shows or fast foods, you know?  It makes me feel like I'm really part of something bigger than myself...

Guilt by Association
"Last weekend I felt really lazy, so I stayed home and watched a 'Dance Moms' marathon and thought of you."

"Have you heard of that show, "Swamp People?" It seems like something you'd really like!"

"I saw a Wendy's commercial, and it reminded me of your Frosty addiction!  How are you??"

"Wait -- did someone just say that they feel uncomfortable around elephants?" (no) "Oh, because that just sounds like something Carrie would say."

Monday, June 11, 2012

Father's Day Cards Available at My Local CVS

I'll admit that, when shopping for greeting cards, I usually breeze right past the sentimental ones, and move straight to the "humorous" section.  Because, honestly, who needs all those words?  And poems?  Like, real, serious, meaningful poems?  No, I'm looking for a 10 word maximum, along with either cartoon characters or sound clips.

It was with this means-tested methodology that I found myself browsing for a Father's Day card today.

Maybe I put more thought into the card selection process this year.  Or maybe I just had more time on my hands?  In any case, I started noticing some interesting trends.  And, with that, I give you my (very scientific) tally of this year's selection of Father's Day cards...

Father's Day Cards Available at My Local CVS
5 cards about farting
3 cards about grilling
4 cards with either Homer Simpson, Bart Simpson, or (the holy grail) -- both
6 cards referencing napping
2 cards about Dads making cereal for dinner
8 cards about golfing
4 cards about beer, including one with a 3-dimensional beer stein
3 cards with pictures of donkeys making 'ass' jokes

Friday, June 8, 2012

How to Be Professional, Part 1: Sparkles

For the first in what I imagine will be a long series of tutorials on how to be professional, I present today's tip...
How to Be Professional, Part 1: Sparkles

1) Find yourself at Lush cosmetics browsing the 'Bath Bombs' section because your friend peer pressures you into thinking that you really, really need one.  Here, like this:
          me: "eh, I don't know.  They're kind of expensive and I don't know if I'd use them."
          M: "No! I'm telling you, they're great.  Here, get this one, it's my favorite.  It's called 'Twilight.'"

2) Sold!  What more do you need to know?  Did you not read the Twilight series??!  You need this product desperately and immediately.

3) What?  You're still not sold??  I bet this official description of the Twilight Bath Bomb will convince you:
"Recreate the magic of a starry night in your bath water with clouds of lavender, ylang ylang and ovaltine to fight the        demons of insomnia and soothe your stressed out body and mind. Our most relaxing Bath Bomb yet, Twilight is our gentle, reassuring hug for the bath to transform you from worn out to warm and fuzzy. It changes colour like the sky at dusk, from pinks to purples and darker still. Lay back in the comforting herbal waters to soak your troubles far, far away."

4) Maybe you didn't hear me.  It contains something called 'ylang ylang' and they've used the fancy spelling of the word color!

5) Get home, decide you need to take a bath, and begrudgingly toss in the Bath Bomb.

6) Ok, fine.  Admit that your friend was right, and this is, truly, the best bath ever.

7) Wake up late the next morning, quickly throw on clothes, rush to work.

8) Attend a very important meeting because you're very important.  Just kidding, it's because you have to take notes.

9) Midway through the meeting, discover tiny sparkled flecks on your hands.  Ohmygod, and your arms.

10) Run to the bathroom, see yourself in the mirror for the first time today, and realize that you look like a 14-year-old girl who stopped off at work on her way to the middle school dance.

11) Maybe it's not as bad as you think?

12)     S: "I like your shirt, but are those sparkles all over your chest?  And neck?"
          me: "Yeah, it was an accident.  I hoped no one would notice."
          L: "Oh, I saw that earlier but just figured you put glitter all over yourself."

13) Spend the remainder of the work day wondering how expensive it will be to dry clean sparkles out of a suit jacket.

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Photo Hunt Wednesday

I was driving around in an unfamiliar neighborhood, when I happened upon this intersection...

Can you spot what's wrong with this picture?*

* Answer Key:  "At the stop sign, turn onto Henderson.  Actually, you're already on Henderson, so just keep following Henderson.  Unless you're on the wrong Henderson, in which you should turn onto the other Henderson."

Monday, June 4, 2012

Rant of the Day

This morning, I saw a woman riding a bicycle with her 3-year-old child sitting on the back.  You know, the rack part?  The woman was wearing a helmet and the child was not.

Because apparently it makes sense in someone's mind to strap a helmet onto oneself, but not one's small child, and then set that small child on an unstable surface without a restraint, and then bike through busy, rush-hour traffic.

Happy Monday everyone.  Put helmets on you and your loved ones, ok?