Friday, June 8, 2012

How to Be Professional, Part 1: Sparkles

For the first in what I imagine will be a long series of tutorials on how to be professional, I present today's tip...
How to Be Professional, Part 1: Sparkles

1) Find yourself at Lush cosmetics browsing the 'Bath Bombs' section because your friend peer pressures you into thinking that you really, really need one.  Here, like this:
          me: "eh, I don't know.  They're kind of expensive and I don't know if I'd use them."
          M: "No! I'm telling you, they're great.  Here, get this one, it's my favorite.  It's called 'Twilight.'"

2) Sold!  What more do you need to know?  Did you not read the Twilight series??!  You need this product desperately and immediately.

3) What?  You're still not sold??  I bet this official description of the Twilight Bath Bomb will convince you:
"Recreate the magic of a starry night in your bath water with clouds of lavender, ylang ylang and ovaltine to fight the        demons of insomnia and soothe your stressed out body and mind. Our most relaxing Bath Bomb yet, Twilight is our gentle, reassuring hug for the bath to transform you from worn out to warm and fuzzy. It changes colour like the sky at dusk, from pinks to purples and darker still. Lay back in the comforting herbal waters to soak your troubles far, far away."

4) Maybe you didn't hear me.  It contains something called 'ylang ylang' and they've used the fancy spelling of the word color!

5) Get home, decide you need to take a bath, and begrudgingly toss in the Bath Bomb.

6) Ok, fine.  Admit that your friend was right, and this is, truly, the best bath ever.

7) Wake up late the next morning, quickly throw on clothes, rush to work.

8) Attend a very important meeting because you're very important.  Just kidding, it's because you have to take notes.

9) Midway through the meeting, discover tiny sparkled flecks on your hands.  Ohmygod, and your arms.

10) Run to the bathroom, see yourself in the mirror for the first time today, and realize that you look like a 14-year-old girl who stopped off at work on her way to the middle school dance.

11) Maybe it's not as bad as you think?

12)     S: "I like your shirt, but are those sparkles all over your chest?  And neck?"
          me: "Yeah, it was an accident.  I hoped no one would notice."
          L: "Oh, I saw that earlier but just figured you put glitter all over yourself."

13) Spend the remainder of the work day wondering how expensive it will be to dry clean sparkles out of a suit jacket.


  1. Well, needless to say, you have sold me on these bath bombs. Are the sparkles unique to the Twilight "bomb" or do they come with every "bomb." I don't want to miss the sparkly outcome. "bomb"

    1. Just proceed with caution, ok? I'd hate to see this happen to a rookie. (And the Twilight one said NO SPARKLES!)

  2. Ok, that's hilarious! Did this happen today, hope so- because I want to see your sparkles!

    1. Sadly, no. But I bought 3, so I'll just make sure to use one next time we're going to hang out.

  3. You have a Lush near you?! Jealous.
    Someday I will introduce E to the wonder that is the District. Until then, shine on, sister.

    1. Yes, and they have baby bath products too!! You and E need to get here immediately :)