I consider myself somewhat of a self-taught expert in the art of being 80-years-old. In fact, by the time I'm actually 80-years-old, I think I'll have this down to a science. That is, if I don't die of bed bugs, airplane anxiety, or WebMD first.
In the event that you, too, would like to start refining your craft, I thought I'd share some of my own best practices...
This week alone I have:
- Discovered a wad of hard candy wrappers in my coat pocket
- Visited an arthritic specialist for some hand problems I've been having
- After passing a tweenager on the street, loudly remarked to a friend that I'd "never let my daughter leave the house in a skirt that short"
- Brought a Tupperware full of cupcakes, a box of Girl Scout cookies, and a pack of napkins into a movie theater
- Asked a friend if she wanted to have 'supper' together
- During an iPhone commercial, yelled, "Why on Earth do you need to watch videos on your phone?!"
- Started a happy hour conversation with, "Can we talk about health insurance premiums?"
- Received an AARP catalog, addressed to me, in the mail...
...it's like they know.