Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Thanksgiving Recipes for the Modern, Single Lady

It's hard to believe that Thanksgiving is almost here!  It seems like just yesterday I was taking long summer walks on the beach, strolling hand-in-hand with my ruggedly handsome boyfriend, watching our graceful golden retrievers playfully splash around in the water, snuggling up to each other as we watched the sun set over southern California.  Oh wait, that was the Nicholas Sparks Miley Cyrus movie "The Last Song" I just watched on Netflix instant.

In any event, Thanksgiving is a time to stop and reflect upon what we're thankful for, and look excitedly toward the rest of the holiday season.  Of course, Thanksgiving is also a time for delicious food, typically of the traditional holiday variety.  However, as a young, single lady in the big city, it's been important for me to develop my own sense of tradition.  And so, this year I have decided to spice things up a bit, incorporating both classic and modern flavors into my Thanksgiving menu.

With that, I give you a few recipes that might help make your holiday a little more special.  It is my sincere hope that at least one of these "modern, single lady" dishes finds a place on your own Thanksgiving spread...


Thanksgiving Recipes for the Modern, Single Lady


Traditional Thanksgiving Dish:
Skillet Cornbread
Modern, Single Lady Dish:
Stale, Store-Bought French Bread
Recipe:
Tell everyone that you'll take care of the bread for "Friendsgiving," because you read on Paula Dean's website that the easiest part of a meal to make is bread, and there isn't a snowball's chance in Hell that you're going to be the sucker who gets stuck making green bean casserole.  Then realize that, by making Paula Dean's "sweet potato biscuits," you're basically turning mashed potatoes into bread, which is going to require you to finally buy an electric mixer.  When you get to Target, peruse the grocery section for nothing in particular, until it dawns on you that you could just buy bread and arrange it on a platter to look like you made it.  Leave Target without an electric mixer, but with a loaf of stale French bread, because that was the only thing they had that didn't expire yesterday.  When you get home, open a bottle of red wine and put your feet up - you deserve it, what with all the physical and emotional energy you've put into making the bread.


Traditional Thanksgiving Dish:
Spiced, Mulled Apple Cider
Modern, Single Lady Dish:
Straight Vodka
Recipe:
While you would really love to make spiced, mulled apple cider, who are you kidding.  You don't own a crock pot, and there's really no way you're going to muster enough energy to 'boil' anything.  So, instead, tell your friends to each bring over some juice or tonic, and you'll provide the alcohol.  Which basically means that you'll set your half-full bottles of Smirnoff and London Dry on the counter, with some Hanukkah-themed paper cups from last year's 75%-off holiday-clearance-section.  On your way home from work, don't forget to stop by the 'Supermercado,' since you can't be bothered to walk a whole two blocks out of your way to go to Safeway.  Choose items in the snack aisle that have pictures closest resembling potato chips, only to realize, after you get home, that you just bought four bags of dried, baked plantains.


Traditional Thanksgiving Dish:
Pumpkin Pie
Modern, Single Lady Dish:
1/2 Tupperware of Puppy Chow
Recipe:
Announce to your co-workers that tomorrow you're going to bring in Puppy Chow, to celebrate Thanksgiving and the shortened work week!  When they look at you quizzically, explain that 'Puppy Chow' is just another name for 'Muddy Buddies'!  When they continue to stare at you with what can only be described as confused pity, sigh and exasperatedly mutter "the recipe is on the side of the Chex box, come on!"  When no one seems particularly excited or enthusiastic, be silently confident that you'll "show them."  After you finish making a triple batch of Puppy Chow, think about what a mistake it was to skip lunch today, since you really don't have anything in your fridge or pantry.  Take out a tiny, dainty glass bowl and fill it with a few pieces of Puppy Chow to eat while you watch TV and think about what you could make for dinner.  At 10:00pm, realize that you have eaten, straight from the Tupperware, almost an entire Chex-box-worth of Puppy Chow.  When you take that same half-eaten Tupperware into work, become enraged when your co-workers look into the container and say, "You made Monkey Munch!  I used to love that stuff as a kid!"


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