How Chipotle is Helping You Live Longer

Yesterday, I received the best-worst news ever.  Chipotle. now. has. brown. rice.

How could this happen?  How could they do this to me??  Don't they know that I'll use any excuse to consider something "healthy"?!  Like that time I found out dark chocolate can help lower your blood pressure???

I suppose there's no going back, so instead I've chosen to make lemonade out of this situation.  Did you know that brown rice has lots and lots of health benefits?  You can find out more here.  In the meantime, I've summarized the ways in which this latest development will improve my overall state of health and well-being.

You're a fickle friend, Chipotle.  A fickle, fickle friend.

How Chipotle is Helping You Live Longer (all thanks to Brown Rice)

1. Brown Rice Reduces Cholesterol
You know that half-pound of shredded cheese they always put on your burrito, despite your request for "just a little bit of cheese"?  Well, with brown rice instead of white rice, you don't even need to reduce the cheese!  In fact, you should ask for more cheese!  And, instead of using a fork to scoop up all that extra cheese, order a side of chips!

2. Brown Rice Helps with Type 2 Diabetes Maintenance
Which means that, after Chipotle, you can go next door to that fancy bakery and get an "oatmeal-cream-cookie-sandwich" for dessert without feeling guilty!

3. Brown Rice Can Aid Cancer Prevention
I'm not really sure how this all works, or how brown rice aids cancer prevention - I was a Political Science major in college.  But what I suspect this means is that you should probably go to Chipotle 3-4 times a week, especially now that they opened one right across the street from your apartment.

4. Brown Rice Can Aid Cardiovascular Disease Prevention
To translate this into layman's terms, after you eat your one-pound-burrito-bowl, you really don't need to go to the gym or do any form of physical exercise.  Because the brown rice is doing all of that for you!