Thursday, September 29, 2011

Dear Sir

I used to sit at a desk meant for a secretary administrative assistant, stationed right outside the office of a co-worker.  That meant that people thought I was his secretary administrative assistant. Often, they would stop by and ask me to take messages for him.  Or drop off his mail and ask me to deliver it to him.  But, you see, I don't even work with him, much less for him.

So, hilarity ensued, and has formed the basis of our ongoing shtick.  I'm almost positive this is only funny to us.

Nevertheless, may I present...too much free time at work.

Sent: Tuesday, September 27, 2011 3:34 PM
To: Carrie               
Subject: Action Items


I need you to get me a coffee. I also need to get dry cleaning but don’t think I can get there before the Cardinals game starts tonight, so could you pick that up? Lastly, since moving to the new office building, I can’t figure out how to adjust the height on my chair to make it go up, so I’ve been in the catcher position for 2 weeks.  Can you get online and find the instruction manual to my chair, read it for me, and then give me a 1 pager on how to get out of this crouching position at my desk?

From: Carrie            
Sent: Tuesday, September 27, 2011 3:44 PM
Subject: RE: Action Items

Dear Sir,

I am so, so sorry to hear about your recent chair challenges at the new office building.  It must be difficult to deal with such a terrible situation, especially from the comfort and privacy of your own office.  I’m sure that having four walls and a close-able door around you has made this chair debacle even more horrific.

I’ll be happy to provide you with a detailed memo on how to raise a simple, standard office chair.  I will probably start by Googling “my boss is too lazy to look up his own chair instructions” and see where that takes me.  If that does not yield results, I will next consult with nearby co-workers in the office I share with 10 other people, to get their opinions.  Don’t worry, though, I will not reveal your identity, in order to spare you the embarrassment of not knowing how to use a chair.

If all else fails, I have already drafted a lengthy letter to our union representation to inform them of this gross injustice.


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