I need you to get me a coffee. I also need to get dry cleaning but don’t think I can get there before the Cardinals game starts tonight, so could you pick that up? Lastly, since moving to the new office building, I can’t figure out how to adjust the height on my chair to make it go up, so I’ve been in the catcher position for 2 weeks. Can you get online and find the instruction manual to my chair, read it for me, and then give me a 1 pager on how to get out of this crouching position at my desk?
From: CarrieSent: Tuesday, September 27, 2011 3:44 PM
Subject: RE: Action Items
I am so, so sorry to hear about your recent chair challenges at the new office building. It must be difficult to deal with such a terrible situation, especially from the comfort and privacy of your own office. I’m sure that having four walls and a close-able door around you has made this chair debacle even more horrific.
I’ll be happy to provide you with a detailed memo on how to raise a simple, standard office chair. I will probably start by Googling “my boss is too lazy to look up his own chair instructions” and see where that takes me. If that does not yield results, I will next consult with nearby co-workers in the office I share with 10 other people, to get their opinions. Don’t worry, though, I will not reveal your identity, in order to spare you the embarrassment of not knowing how to use a chair.
If all else fails, I have already drafted a lengthy letter to our union representation to inform them of this gross injustice.