Breaking News

This just in: there's been a reported national shortage in the Toasted Almond Good Humor Bar.

Everyone, stay calm, and seek shelter immediately.  Crouch down in the fetal position, rocking back and forth, sobbing uncontrollably, until this emergency is over.

source

Submitted without Comment

The top baby names for 2011 were announced this week, and I'm just going to skip over the boring ones (Jacob and Sophia, I'm looking at you) and jump straight to the punchline...

Submitted without Comment: Top Trending Names of 2011

BOYS                                                         GIRLS
1. Brantley                                                  1. Briella
2. Iker                                                         2. Angelique
3. Maximiliano                                             3. Aria
4. Zaiden                                                     4. Mila
5. Kamden                                                  5. Elsie
6. Barrett                                                    6. Nylah
7. Archer                                                    7. Raelynn
8. Declan                                                    8. Brynlee
9. Atticus                                                    9. Olive
10. Nico                                                     10. June


On a related note:

Words with "Medium Terrible" Friends

Look, I'm not always on my game...

Words with "Medium Terrible" Friends
B: this photo of President Obama on the Rosa Parks bus is pretty amazing
me: look how much smaller people were back then!
B: uh.  I guess so?
me: I just know that the President is pretty slim, and he's taking up 3/4 of that seat!


[pause for soul searching]


me: is it terrible that was the first thing I thought when I saw this picture?
B: medium terrible.

Coca Cola Overdrive

By my estimation, approximately 1 million people have sent me this article, entitled "Cola Habit Behind Death of Woman."

My take-aways are twofold:

1. How terrible that a woman died of over-consumption of soda.
2. How terrible that my friends fear such a fate for me.

But, I can assure you that I will never, ever drink 2 gallons of Diet Coke.  Well, unless I'm super stressed.  Or tired.  Or have a really hard day.  Or just need a lot of Diet Coke.

But probably never.

Stairs Tuesday

Look!!  I found something that I'm not neurotically panicked about at all!...

Free falling in an elevator!



Happy Tuesday, everyone.  Do me a favor and avoid any elevators that look a little loose, or un-structurally-sound, or make funny noises.  You know what?  Just take the stairs.  It's Stairs Tuesday!

Moving to Mississippi

Do you ever have one of those days when you read a story, wish you lived inside that story, and then find yourself browsing real estate in Mississippi?

Today was one of those days...

How Four Women Revived A Derelict Mississippi Town

Job of the Day

I'll, um, be back in a few months.  I've discovered a new career path that I'd like to explore, and I'm going to see where this goes.

No, but seriously.  From the annals of "that's someone's job?!" I present the first in what I imagine to be a long series of jobs I'd rather be doing right now: the "New Mexico Chile Pepper Institute"edition...

more about this dream job here

The Lizzie McGuire Diet

Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

Today, I'm giving up pop.  Or soda, depending on your regional loyalties.  Well wishes are appreciated, but jokes about my Diet Coke addiction are appreciated even more.

Some of you are probably asking yourselves why you should care I've chosen to take this drastic step.  To answer that question, I'll cite one of my first pop-related revelations.  It was a Hilary Duff interview, which aired in 2005 on that beacon of hard-hitting television journalism, The View.

Fast forward to about 5:00...



WHAT?!  What do you mean diet soda makes you heavier??  It has no sugar and zero calories -- how is that even possible??

I immediately discredited her -- mostly because, up until this point, her most notable role was as tweenager Lizzie McGuire in the Disney Channel sitcom, masterfully titled "Lizzie McGuire."  Besides that one episode where Lizzie goes on a camping trip with her biology class, how much could she possibly know about science?

Yet, I couldn't get this out of my mind.  Even today, 7 years later, this interview still haunts me.  So, I've decided to test this hypothesis for myself.  I'm giving up pop.  I'm letting Lizzie McGuire take the wheel.

Incidentally, if this doesn't work out, I'm writing a strongly worded letter to the Disney Channel.