Video of the Day

I really.  really.  need to stop watching these at work.

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Happy Friday everyone!  Cry a little.  But about something happy, ok?

How to Be Professional, Part 1: Sparkles

For the first in what I imagine will be a long series of tutorials on how to be professional, I present today's tip...

How to Be Professional, Part 1: Sparkles

1) Find yourself at Lush cosmetics browsing the 'Bath Bombs' section because your friend peer pressures you into thinking that you really, really need one.  Here, like this:

          me: "eh, I don't know.  They're kind of expensive and I don't know if I'd use them."

          M: "No! I'm telling you, they're great.  Here, get this one, it's my favorite.  It's called 'Twilight.'"

2) Sold!  What more do you need to know?  Did you not read the Twilight series??!  You need this product desperately and immediately.

3) What?  You're still not sold??  I bet this official description of the Twilight Bath Bomb will convince you:

"Recreate the magic of a starry night in your bath water with clouds of lavender, ylang ylang and ovaltine to fight the        demons of insomnia and soothe your stressed out body and mind. Our most relaxing Bath Bomb yet, Twilight is our gentle, reassuring hug for the bath to transform you from worn out to warm and fuzzy. It changes colour like the sky at dusk, from pinks to purples and darker still. Lay back in the comforting herbal waters to soak your troubles far, far away."


4) Maybe you didn't hear me.  It contains something called 'ylang ylang' and they've used the fancy spelling of the word color!


5) Get home, decide you need to take a bath, and begrudgingly toss in the Bath Bomb.


6) Ok, fine.  Admit that your friend was right, and this is, truly, the best bath ever.


7) Wake up late the next morning, quickly throw on clothes, rush to work.


8) Attend a very important meeting because you're very important.  Just kidding, it's because you have to take notes.


9) Midway through the meeting, discover tiny sparkled flecks on your hands.  Ohmygod, and your arms.


10) Run to the bathroom, see yourself in the mirror for the first time today, and realize that you look like a 14-year-old girl who stopped off at work on her way to the middle school dance.


11) Maybe it's not as bad as you think?


12)     S: "I like your shirt, but are those sparkles all over your chest?  And neck?"
          me: "Yeah, it was an accident.  I hoped no one would notice."
          L: "Oh, I saw that earlier but just figured you put glitter all over yourself."

13) Spend the remainder of the work day wondering how expensive it will be to dry clean sparkles out of a suit jacket.

Video of the Day

I have a feeling today is going to look something like this...



But, I'm chalking that up to it being Friday.  I guess Fridays are more prone to feeling like a cat on a treadmill, right?  Right.

Come on, long weekend.  Hurry up and show yourself.

Words with Friends about Rappers

Sometimes you just miss the 90's more than you realize until you accidentally reference Mase...

Words with Friends about Rappers
E: I don't know, sometimes I just feel like I should carry mase everywhere
me: oh yeah?
E: oops, 'mace'
me: I was hoping you were carrying a large, 90's rapper everywhere
E: I carry both

Video of the Day

Do you ever have one of those weeks that seems like a complete blur, where there's just so much to do and it all feels a little overwhelming, and you just want to STOP EVERYTHING and watch videos of wiener dogs racing in hot dog costumes?...

Me too.

Happy Thursday, everyone!  I hope that today you can slow down and really reflect on how you'd dress up a wiener dog in costume, if given the opportunity.

Video of the Day

I've been out sick for the last 3 days, doped up on cough syrup and starved of human contact.  But today, I'm back!

Between my DayQuil haze, the thrill of seeing other actual people, and the fact that it's Friday, I'm imagining my first day back at work will look something like this...

Happy Friday everyone!  I hope you're all screaming with excitement.

Photo Hunt Wednesday

Today at work, I was walking down a hallway I don't usually travel, and stumbled upon a magical land...

Can you spot what's wrong with this picture? *

* Answer Key: I may never leave the pretzel room.

Job of the Day

Some days when I'm at work, all I can think about is how much I'd like some lion cub hugs...

Stairs Tuesday

Look!!  I found something that I'm not neurotically panicked about at all!...

Free falling in an elevator!



Happy Tuesday, everyone.  Do me a favor and avoid any elevators that look a little loose, or un-structurally-sound, or make funny noises.  You know what?  Just take the stairs.  It's Stairs Tuesday!

Job of the Day

I'll, um, be back in a few months.  I've discovered a new career path that I'd like to explore, and I'm going to see where this goes.

No, but seriously.  From the annals of "that's someone's job?!" I present the first in what I imagine to be a long series of jobs I'd rather be doing right now: the "New Mexico Chile Pepper Institute"edition...

more about this dream job here

Wednesday Receipt Review

I had to pick something up at the printer yesterday, and was pleasantly surprised to see my receipt.  I don't know what this means, but I'll take it...

Wednesday Receipt Review - The "Hot Folder User" Edition

Photo Hunt Thursday

Happy Thursday!  I'm sure everyone's busy preparing for Carrie Day (it's Saturday, but don't worry -- I've already received the only gift I need this year).  So, I'll keep this photo hunt short and sweet...

Can you spot what's wrong with this picture? *

* Answer Key: "defenestrate" -- verb; meaning: to throw out a window.
As a Federal employee, I'm not sure how I'm supposed to feel about being "defenestrated."  However, from the context of the tweet, it seems relatively positive.  So, glad?  Ok, sure.  Let's go with glad.


A big thanks to my friend Becky, who sent me this.  She follows this man on Twitter, which leads me to believe that she knows all 435 representatives by heart.

Words with Co-Workers

me: I just went to the cafeteria for a banana.  While I was down there, I decided to get a muffin.  When I got back upstairs, I realized I only remembered the muffin.

E: Hey, it happens!  Just as long as it doesn't change our FroYo plans.

me: Um, no.  In fact, it probably makes my resolve to eat FroYo even stronger.  Also: I'm joining the work gym

E: omg. what happened??

me: I just feel gross, and guilty for not working out ever.  The mysterious way that every single pair of my jeans seems to be shrinking doesn't help.

E: You know what's annoying?  Living with someone who eats literally whatever he wants, and is a stick.

me: Guys are so lucky.

E: Yeah, the days that I don't bring lunch, I always get a salad.  And he's like "oh, I'm really full - I had a bacon blue cheese burger and a milkshake for lunch."

me: That would be an instant weight gain of 15 pounds for me.

E: And sometimes he buys containers of whole milk at the grocery store just to drink.  JUST TO DRINK.


Recap:
- Guys are so lucky.
- Ladies are stuck eating salad forever.

Words with Strangers

Yesterday, a man I'd never met came into my office looking for my co-worker.  Our exchange was as follows:

him: hi there!
me: hello.
him: do you sing?
me: like, in general?
him: yeah...
me: not really.
him: I have a musical ear, and you should sing!
me: um.
him: next time you're in the shower, cut loose!
me: [awkward silence]
The End.

Recap:
1.  I'm going to pretend like the shower comment never even happened.
2.  Wha?!

Dear Sir

I used to sit at a desk meant for a secretary administrative assistant, stationed right outside the office of a co-worker.  That meant that people thought I was his secretary administrative assistant. Often, they would stop by and ask me to take messages for him.  Or drop off his mail and ask me to deliver it to him.  But, you see, I don't even work with him, much less for him. So, hilarity ensued, and has formed the basis of our ongoing shtick.  I'm almost positive this is only funny to us. Nevertheless, may I present...too much free time at work. Attachments:

From:                        Sent: Tuesday, September 27, 2011 3:34 PM To: Carrie                Subject: Action Items Carrie, I need you to get me a coffee. I also need to get dry cleaning but don’t think I can get there before the Cardinals game starts tonight, so could you pick that up? Lastly, since moving to the new office building, I can’t figure out how to adjust the height on my chair to make it go up, so I’ve been in the catcher position for 2 weeks.  Can you get online and find the instruction manual to my chair, read it for me, and then give me a 1 pager on how to get out of this crouching position at my desk? Best, Mr.            From: Carrie             Sent: Tuesday, September 27, 2011 3:44 PM To:                   Subject: RE: Action Items Dear Sir, I am so, so sorry to hear about your recent chair challenges at the new office building.  It must be difficult to deal with such a terrible situation, especially from the comfort and privacy of your own office.  I’m sure that having four walls and a close-able door around you has made this chair debacle even more horrific. I’ll be happy to provide you with a detailed memo on how to raise a simple, standard office chair.  I will probably start by Googling “my boss is too lazy to look up his own chair instructions” and see where that takes me.  If that does not yield results, I will next consult with nearby co-workers in the office I share with 10 other people, to get their opinions.  Don’t worry, though, I will not reveal your identity, in order to spare you the embarrassment of not knowing how to use a chair. If all else fails, I have already drafted a lengthy letter to our union representation to inform them of this gross injustice. Sincerely, Carrie