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You guys don't need to worry about getting me anything for my birthday this year.  I've just received the greatest gift of all...

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Ice Moms

Happy Friday!  With the weekend right around the corner, it's fun to think about all the exciting plans ahead.

As for me, I'll be spending the majority of my weekend thinking about the recent announcement of a new "Dance Moms" spinoff, "Ice Moms."  Somewhere out there, someone at the Lifetime Network corporate office loves me and wants me to be happy.

photo courtesy of the same site because, well, I'm lazy

My Weekend: A Dramatic Reenactment

I had a great long weekend, and I'm hoping you did too!  I thought about all the ways I could recap my weekend for you, including through song, crayon illustrations, and modern dance.  However, in the end, I decided there was no better medium than Toddlers & Tiaras.  Take it away, ladies...


On Friday night, a few friends wanted to go dancing.  Usually I reserve Friday nights for more exciting things like "watching TV on my couch" and "eating guacamole."  So my first reaction was:  No. Sorry, but no.

But then I reconsidered because, well, who doesn't like to dance??

On Saturday, I finally got out to the Udvar-Hazy National Air & Space museum.  I've been wanting to visit for a while -- they have actual space shuttles there!!  Actual! Space! Shuttles!

Sunday was super fun. I ate brunch with a couple friends at a new place.  It was French cuisine, but let's just be honest.  I've never turned down food of any variety.

On Sunday night, as I was mentally preparing to go to work the next morning, I remembered that Monday was a holiday!  So I said a little prayer of gratitude.

By Monday it was time to clean and organize my apartment, which I had been putting off all weekend.  Ugh, cleaning.

And, at the end of the day, even with all these fun times, I still felt like the weekend was too short.  And so I had myself a little adult tantrum.

gif credit goes to this site, and this one, and this one too.

Internal Monologue of My DVR

It's no secret that my DVR and I share a bond breakable only by power outages.  We just "get" each other, you know?

However, something very strange happened this week.  As I was flipping through my shows, I noticed that my DVR had recorded something called "Cry Baby Lane" on the 'Teen Nick' channel.  I didn't program it, had never heard of it, and didn't think too much about it...until I realized.  Maybe my DVR knows me so well that it's recording shows it thinks I'll like.  You know, like Netflix, only a lot creepier!

Below, I have summarized the likely internal monologue of my DVR during this unusual incident...

Internal Monologue of My DVR:  The "Why I Downloaded a Teen Nick Horror Movie Without Your Knowledge" Edition


1. The 'Made-for-TV' Genre Is Your Lifeblood!
I haven't forgotten about that dark day when you made me record "William and Catherine: A Royal Romance" and "The Pregnancy Pact" simultaneously.  Let's not pretend like a low-budget, made-for-TV movie on the 'Teen Nick' channel is outside of your comfort zone, Carrie.


2. You're Paranoid About Everything Anyway!
Because I know that often, when you can't sleep, you lay awake thinking about whether it's possible that someone could have snuck into your 500-square-foot studio apartment, unnoticed, and hid somewhere, unnoticed, only to wait until you're asleep to murder you.  And I thought it might be fun if you inadvertently watched a horror movie, thinking it was a new sitcom you forgot about recording!


3. You Love 'Tween' Crap!
You don't think I know how big of an achievement you thought it was to download the entire "Hey Dude" series last week??  Oh, I know.  I know, and I'm judging you for it.


4. I'm Tired of You Stifling My Creative Freedom!
Throw me a bone, here.  I spend the majority of my day recording shows like "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant!" and "Sister Wives."  At least allow me a tiny shred of creative liberty.  I mean, God forbid your memory card contain something that wasn't broadcast on TLC or The Lifetime Network.

DVR Conversations

I looked into my soul DVR, and my soul DVR looked back...

A friend came over to watch TV last night, and as we flipped through my recorded shows, she had a lot of follow-up questions.  Below is my Answer Key:

• Yes, I do already own every season of "The Big Bang Theory" on DVD.  And, yes, I'm too lazy to get it out and put it into my DVD player.
• What do you mean? I thought everyone had seen "I'll Do Anything" - a heartfelt drama about a washed-up actor (Nick Nolte) struggling to raise his 6-year-old daughter as a single father!?
• No, I didn't realize that this week's People magazine cover story is entitled: "Toddlers & Tiaras Controversy: Are They Growing Up Too Fast?"
• Dr. Phil had Casey Anthony's parents on his season premiere!  It comes on while I'm at work!!
• Look, I'm not making you watch "Children of Waco."  I just thought it sounded really interesting!