An Open Letter to My Credit Card Statement

Dear Branch Bank & Trust,

Mistakes were made, I’ll admit that.  But regret is a two-way street, and you shouldn’t have given me an increased credit limit if you didn’t want me to spend it, in its entirety, at Bed Bath & Beyond.

Look, I realize that fiscal responsibility is a crucial component of financial independence, but did you realize that Soda Stream was named the 2011 Product of the Year by “PB&J Mom”?  And, in the long run, it is much more cost-effective for me to make my own carbonated water and mix it with $10-per-bottle syrups that taste just as good as any generic soda on the market.  Can’t you at least try to understand that?

Credit is a funny thing.  At first, you promise to allow me the freedom to make my own purchasing decisions without question, but once I reach the dollar limit, you yank all of that away.  Now, I don’t pretend to be an expert in macroeconomics – I was an anthropology major in college.  However, I do understand basic mathematics, and I can tell you that buying something that was originally priced at $100, but is now marked down to $84, with a 20%-off-coupon, means that I’m saving almost $33 on an item that I will very probably use within the next calendar year.

In today’s era of tightening our belts and becoming more resource-savvy, I think it’s equally important to make sure that the items we purchase can withstand the test of time.  Which is why I chose that brand-name stand mixer instead of the cheaper, very-highly-reviewed alternative.  I know that the additional $300 cost might look ridiculous on paper, but that’s only because I haven’t had the chance to read the instruction manual, which is surprisingly detailed.

Nevertheless, thanks to your thoughtful emails, letters, and phone calls, I have developed a plan for getting my finances in order, which is as follows:

1. Call my parents and cry;

2. Stop having fun;

3. Pay the minimum required amount each month;

4. Cry when I realize that, by paying the minimum required amount each month, my minimum payment amount actually increases.

It is my firm belief that, by employing these four easy steps, I will be well on my way to a debt-free lifestyle within the next eight-to-nine years, assuming I make absolutely no purchases whatsoever in that same timeframe.

Thanks again for the phone calls!

Sincerely,

Carrie             (Account #42    )